26~ the thoughts are out of control (as always)

So I just had the proper time to let it out. My schedule wasn’t that freaky and I wasn’t that busy, but I felt like I need the right thoughts to talk about. Peace of mind. Seems like it doesn’t exist in my world.

Let me start with my fandom. I know I’m the kind of person who’s shallow enough to squee at my favorite idols. I admit that one of my dreams is to stalk them even for once, but the boys have reportedly “complained” and appealed to the fans to stop acting that way. Some fans were hurt, especially with the remark of one of the boys above (see header image, the third from the left). He belongs to a new group now, together with the second one (from the left), and with all my honesty, I never liked the new group at all. He said that he wants the fans to stop telling him that they don’t like him in that group. I can say from the tone of his message that he was obviously annoyed. I don’t want to talk about that aspect anymore, but I’ll be in defense of the other idols due to the fact that they’re paying the price of fame that hard way.

Isn’t it scary? I’ve been wondering why such line between celebrities and normal people exist when they’re also human. Come to think of it, I know I’m a fan, but for those who go to such unimaginable lengths, they’re crazy. People. Individuals. Humans. Organisms. Too bad I wouldn’t get a 1.0 for this.

Recalling an important part of my Literature subject during Third Year High School, I remembered Shylock’s monologue from ACT 3, SCENE 1:

If you prick us, do we not bleed?….and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.

And we all go back to the talk of perfection…again. XD These idols, with soft, shiny hair, killer smiles, awesome dancing skills and whatnot, no matter how many times we think that they’re perfect or almost perfect…are humans just like us. It’s just their job that sets them apart….and I hope people would treat them as ordinarily as others.

But it’s just disappointing. >_>; I feel so down now. What am I going to fangirl from this point? Public drama is half-amusing and half-depressing. Fine, go and laugh.

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In a more serious note, I just thought about my future. I just thought about how big this world is. Of how I want to see it, entirely, for it would really give meaning to my existence. I want to go to many places, to explore and to experience the wonders of everything.

Last night, as I was fixing some of my things, I saw my new passport. Where would it get me? What place am I going to see first? It makes me sad when I think of what I could possibly be doing at a certain point in time. There could be thousands of possibilities in one moment. How depressing it is when you just imagine yourself having a ride on the Shinkansen, but in reality, you’re just bumming around and yet, the railway project in your province hasn’t begun yet. The government is always epic fail.

I want to see the world. I want to get out of here. XD I don’t want to rot here for eternity. My passportttttt!!!!

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Religion. Old foks don’t understand me. I have to sacrifice, I have to put up with them.  But I can’t start my life alone somewhere. Whatever happened to my freedom, whatever happened to understanding and acceptance, I don’t know. I can’t even break down, my brother (even though he can understand) might not be able to handle me because I’ve been so full of it.

I want to do a lot of things, but being barred from a lot of possibilities, I don’t know if I can live my life to the fullest.

I’ve been meaning to tell my parents that I have a lot of things I’d want to do. It would be a sappy tearfest if that happens. XD